Tuesday, 23 October 2007

PostHeaderIcon Some people shouldn't be allowed computers

Someone rang me in work today, the conversation went like this:

Idiot: I'm trying to find the Health and Safety pages on the company Intranet but can't see them, can you help me?

Me: Of course, just click the 'Health & Safety' link on the left-hand navigation bar on the Intranet home page.

Idiot: I can't see the Health & Safety link all I can see is the Business Post home page.

Me: That's not the Intranet, that's the Business Post web site. Go to the Intranet and you'll see the link.

Idiot: How do I find the Intranet?

Me: Do you have an icon for it on your desktop?

Idiot: I have a big blue e is that the one?

Me: Yes it should be.

Idiot: That opens the Business Post website.

Me: Right, then your default home page has been changed. Type http colon slash slash server zero one slash intranet in your browsers address bar.

Idiot: What's a colon?

Me: It's the two dots on top of each other.

Idiot: Oh yes, are those forward slashes are back slashes?

Me: Forward slashes of course.

Idiot: What's next?

Me: server zero one slash intranet.

Idiot: is that a forward slash or back slash.

Me: forward slash.

Idiot: What's after the slash?

Me: intranet

Idiot: It says the page cannot be displayed.

Me: Are you sure you typed it correctly?

Idiot: Yes.

Me: Can you read out to me what you typed?

Idiot: http colon forward slash forward slash server o one forward slash intranet.

Me: Is that an o one or zero one?

Idiot: zero one.

Me: Are you sure it's all spelt correctly?

Idiot: Yes.

Me: Are you sure you used forward slashes instead of back slashes?

Idiot: Yes.

Me: Did you use the slash key on the left hand side or right hand side of the keyboard?

Idiot: The left hand one.

Me: That's a back slash not a forward slash, retype it using the other slash key.

Idiot: Oh, I thought those were forward slashes... What comes after the http?

Me: colon forward-slash forward-slash, that's the right-hand one, server zero one forward-slash intranet.

Idiot: What comes after the last slash?

Me: intranet

Idiot: It still says page cannot be displayed.

Me: Well something isn't typed correctly then.

Idiot: Oh, I'll just keep typing it in until it displays the page.

Me: Well that won't work if you're obviously not typing it correctly. Read out to me character by character exactly what you've typed.

Idiot: h t t p colon slash slash s e r v e r o one slash i n t e r n e t

Me: It's not 'internet' it's intranet i n t r a n e t.

Idiot: Oh it's working now.

Me: I am glad. [as I slam down the phone]

Jan commentated on another post that I'm more patient than I used to be, I think he might be right. I was losing it a bit towards the end and it was coming over in the tone of my voice but I didn't swear at her once! There was a time when I would have cut that converstion off about half way through and just emailed her a link.


Beautifully Profound said...

Yah! Like "Waiter Rant", but with an IT-esque feel. That should be good for some laughs, at least from people who don't have deal with complete idiots all day. It happens in retail too. There are signs up every where I work indicating the price of the product we sell. Wouldn't you know I STILL get asked the prices of things. I mean these are no small signs either, they are blazing right in your face signs.

Anyway,your post reminds me of when telemarketers call the house, usually I don't let them get half way through their speech before I tell em to get lost. I suppose they are just doing their job but when they constantly ring it gets quite annoying.

Jan said...

I think you gave it away when you said that ‘Idiot’ was a ‘her’ – everybody knows that women and computers don’t get on.. *only kidding*..

Well I’m sure I have better idiot stories, mainly from the Great British Public, but also from the management. My biggest pet hate is people who can’t take any type of control of their own lives and call 999. Take for example the woman who says that she’s been pushed around by her partner and frightened of him – fair enough…? But when it’s the THIRD time this bloody week.. she get’s retraining orders to stop him – and then cancels them.. she gets re-housed by the Council – and then calls him to tell him where she’s gone.. It makes me want to pull my hair out..

OR.. even bigger, pet hate…. People who take an overdose or go onto a big building to kill themselves…. And then call us to say that they’re going to do it, wait for us to turn up and talk them down..!! What a waste of time.. I’ve tried giving them an £80 ticket for wasting Police time, but it got rejected..

Beautifully Profound said...

It's true about the woman thing I swear it. Not all but there is a huge chunk of women, myself included. I probably wouldn't have been THAT mentally retarded but I do seem to have my days. Anyways, as far as the abuse thing goes, it's just a cycle. Sometimes a cycle hard to break. Maybe that person has kids or some other reason that is important in their mind not to get away. I am sure it has to do with some sort of mental illness. Abuse is a tough nut. And you can't just write it off as being stupid. Maybe they haven't hit their rock bottom yet. As far as the suicide situation, absolutely right. Most people when they get desperate they cry out for help and I suppose that's their way.

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