Gary Lynch's Blog @ www.garyLynch.net

If you want to eat out in Caerphilly there isn't a great choice in restaurants, there's the usual pub chains offering run of the mill pub-grub and one or two other establishments that whilst they might satisfy your hunger they won't satisfy your soul. So it wasn't with a great deal of expectation that we visited a new all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet restaurant that's recently opened just a little bit on the wrong side of town. My expectations were lowered even further when the taxi driver who, without being disrespectful to him, probably wasn't much of a connoisseur was surprised that we'd want to go there. We thought we'd give it a go anyway, time was getting on and we were getting hungry. And besides, 'good' Chinese food is very much a personal opinion, not everyone likes the same styles etc.

So the taxi driver dropped us off and his parting words were "If I get to pick you up again let me know if it's any better in there." I did wonder if he meant on the off-chance that he'd pick us up again or if we ever made it out of there alive again. The restaurant itself is in a building that used to be a pub and for whatever reason the pub never had many windows and the few it did have you couldn't really see in through and so from the outside there's no way of telling what's on the inside before you enter. Which is a shame as if it had, we'd have told the taxi to turn around and take us elsewhere.

Despite my expectations being rock bottom, I couldn't have imagined anything worse than the sight that greeted us. It wasn't so much a restaurant but a greasy spoon cafe with a twist. The room had brilliant-white painted walls, the wallpaper on which it was painted was probably a good 30 years old. The lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling were just that - lightbulbs - no shades or anything. The dining tables were the cheapest brilliant-white plastic coated tables I've ever seen, completely bare except for a small drinks menu. The carpet was probably the same carpet that was down when the building was still a pub and as everyone know's, carpets don't work in pubs - just too much spillage. There was nothing immediately obvious that told you this was a Chinese restaurant other than the staff who quickly sat us down whilst we were still taking in the ambience (if that's the right word to use) and before we could turn around to leg it.

But what really set the place apart was actually the other 'diners'. I'm not one to dress up that much when going out but I am at least clean, tidy and presentable. Well I don't think there's ever been a time before this where I felt a bit like a fish out of water by being overly dressed as apposed to under dressed! As I mentioned the restaurant is just that little bit the wrong side of town, in fact it's opposite the Landsbury Park estate which rightly or wrongly has a bed reputation. Google 'landsbury park caerphilly' and the top result links to wikimapia.org and this is what is says "Whilst travelling through the area, keep all windows closed, ensure all expensive items in the car are hidden from view and do not make eye contact with any chavs on the side of the road smoking crack. Well known locally for fatalities, heroin addiction and paedophilia, Lansbury is not somewhere to drop in when visiting Caerphilly." The other diners were clearly more local than I and were there taking advantage of the all-you-can-eat buffet as a pay day treat, and wow did could they take advantage!

Well anyway, we were there, we were hungry and so we stayed to eat. The food itself, what was left of it, wasn't too bad. It was edible but had you got it from one of the many local takeaways I think it probably wouldn't be your first choice of takeaway, there are much better takeaways to be had but to be fair there are are also loads that are lots worse. At the time I actually quite liked some if it but when you go to places like this I suppose you never really know what you're eating and wow did my bowels know about it afterwards! I cannot tell you what happened, it's just to embarrassing to mention.

So if you're ever in Caerphilly, I don't recommend you go to the Mandarin City, go to the Green Cottage at the top end of town instead - they're a 7 out of 10 as apposed to a 2 out of 10.